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Learning The Right Way Of Meditation By Focused Attention
If you're just starting to learn meditation, either as part of a guided meditation group or by yourself, you try for five or ten minutes each session; try to sit every day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you best. You give the daily five to ten minutes to extend to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks go by, but you never try and push the pace.
Meditation isn't about gritting the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting calmly with yourself, and although it needs its own kind of control this has nothing to do with toughness than with yielding and letting go.
When the unavoidable thoughts or emotions turn up, you permit them to pass into and out of attention like clouds pass in water. You don't attempt to push them away, but leave them to move of their own harmony. No matter how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how compelling or disturbing the feelings, you don't cling to them or enable one thought or emotion to set off another and another until you are off on a wool-gathering path that takes you far away from the simple matter of the breathe in and breathe out.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but firmly return to your breathing the instant you realize this has happened. Avoid being intolerant with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never learn how to meditate. Your drifting mind is simply pointing out to you just how much you should practice your meditation techniques. It is helping you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thinking. The right response is gratitude, thankfulness towards that part of your mind that has realized you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot stress enough how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you make upset yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be arousing the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be conditioning your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it each time for reminding you, and surely it doesn't like being punished. So it will prompt you less and less often, and you will find concentration becomes harder and harder. In response to the disappointment that this brings, your mind will then start whispering conveniently to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well advised to find something better to do with your time.
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